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#Introduction, far too many tags, seriously this many tags is crazy 

Howdy! Figured I'd put up one of these for the curious as I start using this thing.

Name's Swift Crescendo, but Swift's just fine. At least, that's the alias I go by on the net these days. Yep, I'm a fan of (aka a ). A whole new feed to fill with ponies!

Also a huge sports fan, specifically Texans in , St. Louis Blues in , and I love the Astros. Always down to talk sports, or whatever.

Avid gamer, particularly when it comes to and . I play a lot of .

By day, I work in ( specifically), but my heart's really in and music, as well as . Serial-aspiring novelist, current work is , but I also love and

Did I miss anything? Probably! Feel free to ask or just start a conversation if you've got something to say!

looking for recommendations 

Anyone here generally aware of a thing like the Facebook Portal (video phone thing) that isn’t, you know, a privacy nightmare?

Grandparents are at the stage where even an iPad is a touch complicated and I’d like to give them the gift of remaining connected to family during this mess for Christmas...

Hot take:

“Giving Tuesday” as it’s apparently come to be called, should involve actual charities. Not, y’know, political parties or alumni groups.

Straight up mutual aid isn’t a bad idea either

tw-ish? trans existential stuff, brains are weird 

Here I go questioning again! Wheeeeeee

Except this is almost entirely based on externalities - If it were just me on a deserted island or in a new country by myself I would have never been more sure of myself.

I find I ask “is it worth it to go through with this?” rather than “am I trans?” I thought I had the answer, but lately I’m not sure. I don’t want to lose my birth family, or my SO, but I don’t know if they’ll stay either. Now knowing that I am her, I don’t think it’ll be easy to just lock this all away and go back to being him.

And yet, does the fact I’m even questioning this mean I’m, in fact, not Actually Trans :tm: after all?

uspol, protests 

Down here in Texas we do things a little differently

mh--, relationship stuff, trans stuff, pride, stream of consciousness in an attempt to be poetic? vent too ig (1/2) 

I know I’m not perfect. This pain, this mental anguish has kept me from truly sleeping well for weeks. You put up with so much of my nonsense I have no idea how you do it. This is hard as hell to write, but I have to get it out. I am Worst Horse and we both know it. Is it ego that drives me to transition, or is it the promise of a better tomorrow? I finally feel alive, and yet, would doing this lose you? I worry that our courses are yet divergent. Should I sacrifice my shot at becoming who I am meant to be to preserve who I am? Can I, even? My dream of living my authentic self is so closely within reach. And with everything else going on you are the one constant I have in my life. And so I’ll smile and hand you the nail polish, just to preserve the illusion.

Not like it matters, anyway. In the time it took to write this out you’ve already used it

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mh--, relationship stuff, trans stuff, pride, stream of consciousness in an attempt to be poetic? vent too ig (1/2) 

Besides, you help keep my feet on the ground, and I appreciate that more than you know. Our lives are so entangled by now I don’t think we could split even if we tried. And would I even want to? I dream - *nella fantasia* - that one day I can truly live as myself, with people that love and support and uplift each other. In my dream, that includes you. I hope my reality continues to do so

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mh--, relationship stuff, trans stuff, pride, stream of consciousness in an attempt to be poetic? vent too ig (1/2) 

"Can I put on the nail polish too?"

I don't know, dear. I really don't. I bought this to be true to myself in this time, to finally express my happiness at finding my True Self after 29 long years. My fingers and toes being done as the trans flag in a move that I've been looking forward to since I came out last year. If you support me, I'm happy to let you borrow my polish to match.

But do you?

You claim to, but in these times especially it's clear that actions are louder than words. Every step of my transition has been met with resistance from you. Even now, on the eve of starting HRT, you hesitate. I'm taking the steps to preserve fertility for later. I have done all that you ask - including waiting 8 months to even have the initial consult as I figure this out. Now another two to actually start taking the medicine on my desk. And yet you worry about me going back to where I started. To the point where you get seriously upset if I do more than dress as myself.

Your concerns are valid. I share them too. But this feels *right*. I feel I need to do this. I have tried to minimize the risks of things, but still I worry. But that's beside the point.

I worry, whether you truly love me for me...or for what I can provide. Your support of my transition has felt and continues to feel superficial. I sit here, trying to defer and conceal as I write this, posting on a network you've never heard of for advice/venting before I send it to you. I send my words written, so you don't have a chance to shut down everything by just curling up and saying you're a Bad Horse the second you hit the first thing that isn't a boop, or a cute/sexy piece of art, or anything that's sunshine and moonbeams.

And yet, I'll smile and say "Yes, of course you can" when you ask to borrow my nail polish. Because I love you, and without you I have nobody by my side. We've been friends for so long, how can I just throw that away?

if you have a pantheon of gods for your tabletop game and they aren't all related in baffling ways what are you even doing

First order of business for Pride month: reconnecting with the community here on fedi. Heya y’all!

It appears birdsite is now assuming your gender, which is Not Cool :tm:

However, this bit of appsec research is:

mh -, 18+ trans things 

I’m straight up not having a good time

Realizing just how isolated and alone I am, how fragile and fleeting the good in life is. This has been a hell of a month, in both of us. And the only one I’ve got is my SO...and yet my dumb ass keeps trying to fuck it up. I’ve suppressed all the shit from this past month for her sake - for both of ours. If I could just keep things normal, or close enough to it, we could get through it.

I can’t even figure out how to talk to her about how much of a giant fucking mess my sexuality is without hurting both of us.

And now it’s all crashing down. Right when things start to get back to normal. I’ve lashed out on more than one occasion. I’ve managed to realize just how alone I can be, when even close friends shame me into deleting things I share. I held strong for our Final Fantasy XIV group through the biggest crisis in a year and was their rock, but I can barely keep myself together on a daily basis and keep people at work from sensing something is up. Hell, they probably already guess it — I haven’t exactly been timely as usual for a month. Nobody’s said anything, but I’ve never been this late this consistently. Knowing me I’m about to fuck that up without knowing it. The pressure of my life at home and with people I consider friends is spilling over into the stoic nature I approach my work with. And God help me if they figure out I’m trans before I’m ready to let them know.

I hold strong as long as I can, but it’s just not long enough. I’m just not enough.

Regular Ordinary Swedish Mealtime has independently infected three completely separate friend groups without my intervention

I’m scared

Hey friends, got any leads on where in a baby trans gal can create her wardrobe without being judged/gatekept or breaking the bank?

Literally feel the worst rn after a failed Target run

Bit of a long shot here, but other places I've asked are, well...not constructive. Any owners (particularly in warm climates) familiar with ? Got some questions before I install mine...

Crowdsourcing the name of my new car was a mistake

In einem kühlen Grunde, da geht ein Mühlenrad...

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