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>new infomercial
[video of man collapsing to the floor]
[watch the fall]
[ominous music]
[pill bottle falls from his hands, scatters pills across the floor]
[zoom in on pill bottle]
[zoom in on label]
["functional programming"]
[pills are shaped like lambdas]
don't do [functional programming]
[functional programming] can['t] have side effects.
[DARE logo]
[commercial has the opposite of its intended effect]
[functional programming epidemic]

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